While on leave in Seoul, Frank finally cracks up over Margaret's marriage and starts hunting her and Donald down, accosting every female who bears even a passing resemblance to her. Unfortunately, it couldn't come at a worse time as the 4077th is inundated with casualties. Potter then makes a call to Tokyo and requests a surgeon to come in to fill in while the MPs hunt for Frank. They eventually find one in the person of Major Charles Emerson Winchester III, whose surgical skills match his arrogance, causing Hawkeye and BJ to take an immediate dislike to him. Eventually, Frank is transferred out and Winchester becomes a permanent member of the 4077 surgical staff. Now, Winchester must adjust not only to what he sees as inferior surgical conditions, but to the lunacy of Hawkeye and BJ. Written by Brian Washington [email protected]

The indispensable Company Clerk is down in the mouth and finally, art gets to imitate life. Radar's grandmother took one look at Uncle Ed's eyes when he returned from WWI France and she could tell he had been a bad boy: Grandma cried for 3 days. Radar is sure his mother will take one look at him and laugh for a week. Hawkeye has a simple prescription: get a jeep, go to the Pink Pagoda in Seoul and get it done. But, Radar's jeep is hit and Hawkeye feels like Judas. He operates frenetically on Radar and then goes on a drunken tear. An early A.M. breakfast OR session catches Hawkeye off balance and the next day, his patient catches Hawkeye out of his mind. Father is so acrimonious, he is prone to violence. Colonel Potter and Margaret yell at Hawkeye in duet. When Hawkeye tries to apologize to Radar he is given directions on where to go and what to do. Colonel Potter gives Radar some wise counsel. When Hawkeye and Radar finally speak again, conversation is stilted but Hawkeye manages a ... Written by LA-Lawyer

BJ's friend Leo, who is even an even bigger practical joker than Hawkeye, stops by for a visit and informs BJ that he is going home. However, this doesn't stop him from playing one last prank on BJ as he frames him for causing a disturbance in a Tokyo hotel, which gets him in hot water with a general. It is then up to Hawkeye and Potter to go to headquarters to clear BJ before he get's sent to the stockade. Written by Brian Washington [email protected]

When a bus rolls into the 4077 compound, there are several wounded soldiers and a surprise: Sidney (Allan Arbus). He was in a foxhole doing therapy with patient, Tom (Michael O'Keefe), who suffered from hysterical paralysis when they were hit by Chinese artillery. Sidney has a headache but he is 100% compared to the 4077 crew. With everyone acting frenzied, Col. Potter asks Sidney if he would visit with some of the loonier cases. Klinger and Radar are each genuinely worried he is crazy, Margaret continues to do her work correctly, if not loudly, and Boston Baked Buffoon is wrong and cannot deal with it. The Swamp Rats see Tom is giving Sidney a hard time and the good doctor is beating himself up over it but only Father Mulcahy consults Sidney about Sidney. A routine duty turns into a Potter-sanctioned 4077 organized activity to allow everyone to let off some steam. Written by LA-Lawyer

Klinger delivers mail; the stock market is in decline and BJ's Peggy gets poison oak. Nurse Nancy Gilmore, recently disengaged (no longer about to marry a Navy dentist) asks Hawkeye to meet her in Seoul. The Boston baked buffoon whines to mummy and Daddy about the 4077 and Korea via tape recorder. BJ and Hawkeye pull a big prank with diminishing returns. Written by LA-Lawyer

It is the dead of winter and the 4077 is out of everything: medicine, bandages, light bulbs, gel foam, and general supplies; a Supply Truck delivers mosquito netting and an ice cream churn. BJ gets a book: a mystery novel; everyone is so bored, he rips it from the binding, chapter by chapter so everyone can read along. But the final page of the whodunnit is missing. Boston bozo nearly kills a patient with curare as it was too dark to read the label. BJ saves the patient and Hawkeye calls bozo to the carpet. A new truck brings the supplies they need... except for the big answer to their big mystery. Written by LA-Lawyer

The Lins were like Korean aristocracy before the war; now, the remains of their estate is filled with their homeless friends and villagers. Daughter, Kyung Soon takes care of her mother, Madame Lin and the others; she hauls Hawkeye to tend to her mother, at Col. Potter's order, in a nicely kept automobile. Hawkeye gets the wrong impression until he sees the estate... and Kyung Soon in action. The 4077 gets a new nurse, Lt. Bobbie Gleason, fresh from Tokyo. She has the misfortune to mention a Lt. Colonel Donald Dimwit who flirted with her at her going-away party; Margaret is frantic it is her Donald and continues to plague the new nurse. As Col. Potter, BJ and Hawkeye drink, Potter tells Hawkeye love and war do not mix. But, quicksilver Hawkeye has found a woman both novel and interesting. He refuses to take the wise 3 war, multi-tour veteran's advice. It is not within Hawkeye's nature to rebuff novelty. Written by LA-Lawyer

Klinger says he grew up over the weekend and is wearing his Army uniform. Potter is tickled; he cannot wait to laugh over the latest Lebanese lunacy...until Potter gets a letter that pertains to West Point. Colonel Mike Abrams at HQ announces Army scrip change (from blue to red) will take place the following day. The 4077 will be on lockdown at 1600 hours while scrip exchange takes place. A bald Bostonian bunko artist gets Mr. Kim to tailor his suit and refuses to pay unless Mr. Kim helps him defraud friends and villagers. Mr. Kim appeals to Hawkeye and BJ for help. An MP named Boone is in post-op; his friend, Sgt. Maxwell thanks Hawkeye and BJ for saving his friend's life. Maxwell offers to do them a favor any time. When Boone's $400 in old scrip goes missing, Father Mulcahy is outraged and blasts the camp from his PA pulpit. With a bit of luck and a lot of help from friends, the zany surgeons enact their own take on Scripture and give a brief demonstration of what the Lord will ... Written by LA-Lawyer

Corporal Hendrix, a GI covered in tattoos, shows up on the 4077 operating table; he gives Radar the idea of getting a tattoo so he can be the object of respect, fear and sex. A scrawny stray dog shows up at the 4077; although it is against all regulations, Klinger is feeding him; and even Margaret sneaks table scraps and food to the mutt. A new nurse, young Lt. Sandra Cooper, is having problems getting used to the place. Cooper falls apart in OR and Margaret is convinced Cooper is not 4077 material. She tries to get Cooper transferred but Col. Potter tells Margaret to ease up and allow Cooper to adjust. Surprised at not being given the immediate boot, Cooper promises to become as cold and unfeeling as Margaret. But is the Major really cold and unfeeling or is that just what she tells herself to make it through another day? A senseless death sheds some answers for Margaret and, in turn, for Sandra Cooper. Written by LA-Lawyer

The 1952 Olympics in Helsinki, Finland, is big news at the 4077. Donald calls to tell Margaret he will pick her up on the way to their RandR in Manila. BJ and Hawkeye are helping Sgt. Ames, career Army, get into shape and lose weight so he does not lose his job and pension. This gives Klinger the idea to eat his way to Section 8. When an ambulance truck overturns, it takes 4 MPs to set it upright. Potter is disgusted how weak and out-of-shape are his people so he devises the 4077 Olympics. Hawkeye leads the Yellow Blackbirds and BJ leads the Pink Elephants; each member of the winning team gets a 3-day pass. At the Helsinki Olympics, the 26+ mile marathon is won by Chech, Emil Zatopek, in less than 2 1/2 hours, a new world record. In Korea, Mashletes race on crutches and Margaret is the winner for the Pinks. In Helsinki, a Reverend wins the pole vault for the U.S.; in Korea, the Yellows are 2 games ahead. U.S. Horace Ashenfelter of the FBI creates a new world record on the steeplechase ... Written by LA-Lawyer

Hill 403 is up for grabs and Army actuary, aptly named Colonel Bloodworth, annoys Hawkeye with his cold-blooded pin-point accuracy and casualty predictions. The Swamp Rats get angry when Boston will not share more than 1/2 a pate cracker from his goody basket from home, but the food backs up on both Boston and Margaret, his dinner companion of choice. BJ has to finish the surgery fumbled by Boston and BJ gets a pilot's jacket large enough for Col. Potter as a thank you. Klinger meets a kindred Toledo spirit, Pvt. Danker, and they talk of the Trianon dance club and their favorite, Packo's Hungarian hot dogs with chili peppers. Hawkeye is irate and loses his temper with Colonel Bloodworth; the Col. is equally irate and Hawkeye faces court-martial. But when Col. Bloodworth returns to 4077 wounded, as a patient and not an actuary, both Hawkeye's and his perspectives change. Pvt. Danker sends Klinger a box of Packo's hot dogs and all the trimmings. As he, BJ and Hawkeye roast them in The... Written by LA-Lawyer

While on their way to another MASH unit to demonstrate a new surgical technique, Margaret and Hawkeye are forced to take shelter in an abandoned hut when they find themselves in a broken down jeep and under fire from an advancing enemy line. Written by shepherd1138

A frustrated B.J. disobeys Col. Potter's orders, convincing a helicopter pilot to search for missing Margaret and Hawkeye who, in the meantime, have found that they have very differing views on the relationship they develop while awaiting rescue behind enemy lines. Written by shepherd1138

It is hot outside. Radar's yelling might bruise the gin. BJ gets a telegram: Peggy needs $200 that day so they can make a down payment on their dream property in Stinson Beach. BJ borrows it from Chuckles until payday the following day. He is both bossy and obnoxious to BJ and rubs his nose in the debt by constant reminders and demanding favors. The next day, the Army SNAFUs the payroll and sends most of it to Guam. The enlisted men are paid first; poor Margaret is broke and Donald is too cheap to loan her any money. To clear a bar tab and get alcohol, Hawkeye borrows $50 from his boorish bunkie, who orders a cold beer be served him in The Swamp at 2200 hours that evening after OR. BJ and Hawkeye seethe until they arrive at the perfect revenge: poker. Word spreads like wildfire: poker newbie in the Officers' Club. But, the newbie is also lucky... and audacious. But, like the William of legend who was expert at shooting apples from atop the heads of murderous reeves with his ... Written by LA-Lawyer

The 8th Army commends the 4077 for the 72-hour ordeal they withstood. Even the good Father is exhausted. All Hawkeye and BJ want is a shower and sleep. But, the Boston bassoon wants to blow his French horn, loudly. Colonel Potter tries to deal with a suicidal GI, Pvt. Saunders, who lost part of his face and requires plastic surgery. Hawkeye and BJ refuse to use soap and water until the blowhard stops polluting the air. The whole camp is tired of the battle of the air so Margaret kicks it into high gear. She commands 3 waves of forces designed to eliminate all of the problem. After stopping the final suicide attempt, Colonel Potter sentences Major Houlihan and her army to the Officers' Club...and drinks on The Swamp Rats. Written by LA-Lawyer

Margaret finds out who her friends really are when Klinger accidentally throws out her wedding ring from Donald with the 4077 trash. Hawkeye and BJ are frustrated when they are trying to perform an arterial transplant, but they do not have a vascular clamp small enough to control an artery without crushing it. How come the Army can make a gun that will level a village 30 miles away, but they can't come up with a tiny surgical tool that will save a man's leg? Colonel Potter suggests they talk to the U.S. Army, Corps of Engineers, but they are not available; neither the good doctors nor Private Zale can build a clamp that works. So, Hawkeye and BJ find a jack of all trades: a master craftsman who can... Written by LA-Lawyer

Gloucester Regiment, part of the BCFK (British Commonwealth Forces Korea) arrive at the 4077; Colonel Potter calls them nutcakes who never wear helmets. BJ is recognized by a GI, Sgt. Johnson, upon whom BJ operated 8 months earlier; he is wounded and seems to be in severe pain. Klinger has to break it to Col. Potter: their penicillin store has been stolen again. Father Mulcahy tries to be useful, but no one seems to need Last Rites. Hawkeye rails against the British tradition of giving wounded soldiers tea. For soldiers with abdominal injury, tea may mean peritonitis. Major Derek Ross, (Bernard Fox) the CO of the Gloucester Regiment, annoys the surgeons with his brusque attitude toward his men. A sergeant confesses to Father Mulcahy information about Black Market medicine; Father grabs Klinger and a jeep and Father's info rings a bell. Hawkeye is shocked when he next runs into Maj. Ross in post-op. Hawkeye learns there may be different methods for different COs when it comes to ... Written by LA-Lawyer

After 11 days of no casualties, the Swamp Rats are so bored, they invent Cranko, a game mixing chess, poker and checkers (over gin) in one game. Radar purloins Boston's turntable to play the new platters the 4077 received; Colonel Potter believes it will alleviate boredom. Klinger teaches Radar how to be a disc jockey and talk the talk to spin platters. Suddenly, the OR gets beyond crazy, Col. Potter encourages Radar to keep the tunes a-coming. The wounded soon overflow into the Mess Tent, Officers' Club and The Swamp as adjunct hospitals. Klinger is scrounging for blood--especially the AB- blood one wounded GI desperately needs. The medical staff is forced to use plasma; everyone is on automatic pilot. Radar becomes a cool cat; his confidence over the air grows quickly. Colonel Potter continues to request the same version of Sentimental Journey sung by Doris Day (23 times). Can a drunk bomb disposal expert with AB - blood save the day? Is there any presence more comforting than a... Written by LA-Lawyer

Margaret travels the longest road in the quest to become a regular human being and not just Major Houlihan. It happens so gradually, it can be missed by those not paying constant attention. One day, the Major jumps on Nurse Bell for two petty infractions in OR. BJ and Col. Potter tell Margaret to ease up, but Hawkeye knows something is wrong. He forces the issue: he tells Margaret she is too good to nitpick her nurses. So Margaret confides that she thinks she may be pregnant. Hawkeye sees this as a small miracle but Margaret knows it would be the end of her career. BJ wrestles with his patient, ex-ROTC man, Lt. Tom Martinson, who is frustrated at losing 35 of his men due to what he considers his inept leadership. Klinger has a photo angle to get out of the Army. Both Margaret and Hawkeye talk to Col. Potter to arrange her special test. Tokyo would take too long, so the trio asks Radar to sacrifice Fluffy, Radar's female rabbit. But Radar will not consent to sacrifice Fluffy; he ... Written by LA-Lawyer

Radar drives up with bags of mail; Klinger cannot wait for Radar to sort it: he has not heard from Laverne in weeks. Hawkeye gets mail meant for another Captain BF Pierce who appears to be some kind of Romeo. BJ's Peggy had to fix a plumbing issue and was hit on by a neighbor at a party; BJ is very upset. Radar learns his mother has a new friend: a gentleman friend. Margaret has the MIL from Hell; when Donald put Margaret forth for DAR membership, his mother blackballed her. The Boston baldy has no comfort and no sense for Margaret. Klinger cried wolf too many times: his wife is divorcing him and no one believes him. Klinger tells Father Mulcahy he will go AWOL. Radar confides in Hawkeye his issues about his mother dating; Hawkeye tells him a story and also tells him he is jealous at having to share his mother. BJ is crazy: does Peggy need him anymore? Who is this mysterious Romeo named Captain BF Pierce. Will Klinger really go AWOL? Written by LA-Lawyer

Colonel Wheatley of the 8063 wants each of the M*A*S*H units to observe methods of the others. Hawkeye and Lt. Bigelow are spending a week at the 8063 while a chest cutter named Dupree and Nurse Anderson spend a week at 4077. Chuckles finally erects his Boston arrow on the 4077 totem pole. Capt. Lorraine Anderson is an old friend of Margaret, Army brats who grew up together. Capt. Roy Dupree is an Arkansas hillbilly; naturally he is too far beneath the buffoon for notice but Roy even annoys the placid BJ. Lorraine finds Margaret has changed; Margaret is upset when Lorraine tells stories of their old days to the officers. Roy wants to stay at the 4077 and Potter likes his surgical skill. Can BJ and Chuckles finagle their way out of prairie purgatory? Will Lorraine be able to convince Margaret to open up and ease up and not allow Major Houlihan to take over her life? Will Sophie survive the moonlight ride? Written by LA-Lawyer

The latest piece de resistance of Hawkeye and BJ is Kentucky Derby Day, the next excuse for a party and temporary escape from reality for the team at 4077. Colonel Potter has to visit General Waldo Kent at I Corp in Seoul and he is is usual playful yet gruff and wonderful self. When he returns to camp, it becomes painfully obvious Col. Potter has a burr in his saddle. At Derby Day, Colonel Potter abruptly interrupts the festivities to announce that due to bad reports on his leadership, I Corp is making a spot inspection next Tuesday. Further, he announces his intention to leave and transfer stateside immediately. Hawkeye and BJ are the only ones with the guts to demand an explanation. When Potter tells them the bad reports are coming from the inside of his own command, the Swamp Rats are furious; they immediately suspect the Boston butt. But all they find is a Dear Meredith letter...and some advice to watch the outgoing mail for envelopes addressed to I Corp. Radar is willing to die... Written by LA-Lawyer

There is a big push in the fighting and that means 24 hour surgery sessions. Chuckles is yawning in OR...everyone is exhausted, but Col. Potter says he needs to learn to pace himself. Klinger asks Boston butt if he can prescribe him a pick-me-up; he tells Klinger about amphetamines, uppers or bennies, as the Bohemians call them. But, he condescendingly tells Klinger he lacks the genetic superiority to be able to handle them. All of a sudden, Chuckles is running, writing and operating virtual rings around the other surgeons and staff. All notice this surge of energy but only bunk mates, Hawkeye and BJ worry when he cannot sleep. His Surliness rebuffs their concern. A few stupid men hurt Radar's feelings and talk down to him when he tries to make light conversation with them in Post Op. The 3 Jarheads are itching to be discharged so they can watch Sluggo, their unit mouse, race at the 4033. Radar is so incensed at the Jarheads' attack on his manhood, he challenges Sluggo with his ... Written by LA-Lawyer

Hawkeye and BJ are increasingly annoyed at Major One-Up and his mania to prove his alleged automatic superiority at every activity, endeavor or exploit. Klinger has a new protege, Corporal Boots Miller, a non-comm who deejays, sings and films with his stirring spoon... and talks to his shoe and sock. Bad news in 4077 Post Op: there is one box of morphine left until tomorrow. But, Nurse Kellye has a GI who had a horrible reaction to some of that last batch and Colonel Potter orders the batch destroyed and suggests a radical form of treatment in lieu of morphine. As Miller acts progressively nuttier, Klinger is the first to tell Col. Potter to give Miller a Section 8; Potter thinks he is in cahoots with Miller until the enemy glider incident. In Post Op, everyone but Chuckles is credibly playing his/her part dispensing the old Doc Schumaker/Potter treatment. Can the mind help cure the body? Is Miller crazy or laughing all the way to the bank? Written by LA-Lawyer