A touring USO show brings an unexpected touch of vaudeville to the 4077th when the star showgirl requires an emergency operation.

Father Mulcahy counsels a guilt-ridden GI who swapped tags with a dead colleague. B.J. and Charles consider ways of keeping a soldier-salesman quiet, while Hawkeye and Margaret help another GI get even with the woman who jilted him.

The Army is starting a new MASH unit, and the surgeons and staff of the 4077th fear they will be split up and reassigned. So they act completely unprofessional, uncouth, and incompetent in front of an army rep hoping he will reconsider.

Hawkeye writes to President Truman complaining about the war and the senseless tasks they have to do, like camp beautification to obtain a needed water heater.

After being cited for reckless Jeep driving, Colonel Potter voluntarily takes driving lessons from Rizzo and B.J. decides he will make all the money he can to pay the second Mortgage, by gambling.

Stop the presses! Charles has just received a load of newspapers from back home and the camp, being without a newspaper for weeks, are determined to share Charles'. He is reluctant, but agrees--only after he's read them all of course. But when he finds a newspaper missing, he wages war on the camp and they, in turn, wage a war of practical jokes on him. Written by Explorerds6789

When Hawkeye's snappy new Polaroid camera is stolen, Klinger searches the black market and finds it. Unfortunately en route back to camp, Klinger is stopped by MPs who assume he is the camera thief.

It's the day of Klinger's hearing before a trial of angry officers. Will Klinger be sent up the river? With Charles as his attorney, it's almost certain. Meanwhile, Hawkeye and B.J. set out to catch the real thief.

On the day after Christmas, the 4077th decides to try out an English tradition, Boxing Day, where the officers and enlisted personnel change places for a day.

While Klinger is delirious with fever, he communicates with the ghost of deceased Private Jimmy Weston.

Margaret tries desperately to get to Tokyo for her birthday, and the camp helps an injured cow give birth with Klinger starting a betting pool on the exact day and time.

When a visiting U.N. war correspondent sensationalizes the war instead of reporting it, Hawkeye is outraged. B.J. tries to repair a motorcycle donated to him by a wounded private.

An AWOL soldier, Private Nick Gillis, ventures into the 4077th one night with an aim to sneak back home to the states. But, his furious lieutenant and the M.P.'s are after him. That's when Father Mulcahy is persuaded to step up and turn the mess tent into a sanctuary, which protects Gillis from the Army...But for how long? Meanwhile, a farmer they have aided is giving the camp a load of eggs. Real ones, not powdered. It sets the camp's mouthes watering. Unfortunately their eating plans are scrambled because the mess tent is being used as a sanctuary, so where will everybody eat their eggs? It's up to B.J. and Hawkeye to solve that one. It won't be too over-easy. Written by Explorerds6789

BJ and Hawkeye are outraged and start hatching a plot when they hear about a bigoted field commander who sends his black soldiers into more hazardous duty than his white soldiers. Charles stops bragging about his blue blood just long enough to reveal a big yellow streak: he is more scared of the DDS than the IRS! Written by LA-Lawyer

After Hawkeye corrects a mistake that Colonel Potter made on a patient, Potter fears he's losing his touch badly enough to summon Dr. Sidney Freeman.

Fearing for his life at an aid station, Hawkeye writes his will with special bequests for his friends.

When Charles, Hawkeye, and B.J. determine promotion recommendations, they are wooed by the enlisted staff while a bully physically threatens Charles. Potter helps a GI who is being razzed by colleagues for being faithful to his girl.

A famous prizefighter, Gentleman Joe Cavanaugh, comes to visit the 4077th and while there, has a stroke. Everyone is irritated as Pierce, serving as his doctor, becomes spokesman to the press. Father Mulcahy is upset, since Gentleman Joe was his childhood hero. Written by Kathy Hofmann

Ignoring Margaret's offers to help, Potter and B.J. head a bowling team in a championship match against the Marines. Hawkeye's father is having an operation back home, so Hawkeye feels helpless enough to confide in Charles.

After becoming fed up with his bunkmates' living habits, Hawkeye moves out of The Swamp and into a quaint shack behind Rosie's. Meanwhile, Charles and B.J. continue to annoy one another: Charles with his loud, classical music playing at all hours, and B.J. constantly sharing news of Erin's potty training; Colonel Potter wants to paint a portrait of the entire camp as a present for Mildred, but it proves difficult with the men fighting with one another. Klinger, Margaret and Father Mulcahy take it upon themselves to try and get the Swampmen back together. Will they succeed in bringing at least one war to a peaceful finish? Written by ExplorerDS6789

A peddler wheels his cart into camp. Klinger buys from him a goat to get rich selling milk. B.J. shows interest in a blue vase, but Charles outbids him greatly. Meanwhile, much to his chagrin, Hawkeye is paymaster again. But just as he gets the pay rolling, wounded arrive. Hawkeye tells Klinger to keep an eye on the money while he's in surgery. Unfortunately, Klinger left the money in his office alone with the goat...Hawk and Klinger return to find the money gone. It had been eaten. No way would I-CORPS believe that. Worse yet, he still had a ton of angry, unpaid staff members. Meanwhile, Charles, who hasn't yet been paid, can't afford the vase he wants, however Rizzo agrees to loan him the money, with a small 100% interest attached. Will Charles ever get himself out of debt? Will Hawkeye go down for the disappearance of the money, or will his name be cleared by sheer luck or help from a very hungry kid? Written by Explorerds6789