Wagstaff Elementary is doing something new: the Fall Musical will not be Grease, but, rather, an original student production. Gene wants to produce his own musical version of Die Hard, but Doug Wheeler finagles stardom for his annoying child, Courtney, using his own work, a musical version of Working Girl. Louise finds an old boiler room (which she thinks was the old faculty opium den) and hatches one of her patented plots. Tina follows the buns. Things get really out of hand... glove... shoulder pad--until Gene is noble (like a white knight?) He extends an olive branch to Courtney and the other kids. Why go for The Conflicty when you can Work or Die Trying? Written by LA-Lawyer

Halloween is coming and Tina plans to go to the cemetery with the older kids...it's a rite of passage. Gene and Louise must have candy! Marcus of 'Hugs Not Bugs' refuses to exterminate the basement at Bob's Burgers...he feels the presence of a ghost. All Bob feels are bugs. Linda and the kids play Ouija board and meet Jeff. Business and Tina's love life are booming: cue the ghost in the machine. Tammy Larsen strikes again and puts Tina down, (down, down, down), Louise feels a pang of conscience. She and Gene give up the pursuit of candy to help their sister. They go to the cemetery: the wrong side of town. That's when the Belcher kids fell for the Leader of the Prank. (Vroom, vroom.) Written by LA-Lawyer

Bob becomes Teddy's workout buddy after finding out his burgers contributed to Teddy's bad health. The two enroll in a stuntman boot camp where their friendship is put to the test. Meanwhile, the kids make an ice rink in the freezer, with Linda running their underground ice wrestling league.

It is the 1st annual Turk Tacular Turkey Town Festival and Turkey Trots at the Wonder Wharf. Bob draws the line: if Linda, Tina, Gene and Louise choose the Festival over a family holiday, Bob will not cook Thanksgiving dinner. As Bob gets drunk and enjoys Donna Summertime, the kids enjoy the Scramble Pans ride run by Mickey. Linda joins the Turkey Trots with Teddy. No one told the Fischoeder boys about mixing turkeys with other winged creatures. Bodega Bay comes to Wonder Wharf as Linda Belcher is crowned Queen of the Peckers. Written by LA-Lawyer

Chuck Charles is emcee of Wharf It Down Food Festival and the new 1st annual Best Burger Contest. Bob and Linda broke the cardinal Don't Enter Things While Drunk rule and now, Bob is a contestant with the famous Skip Marooch (he has a book) and Jimmy Pesto. There is a clock and time is of the essence. But, Gene forgot to pack Bob's big ingredient, black garlic and the kids must storm 'Fig Jam' to liberate a replacement. Is Linda correct: did Bob set himself up to fail? Can Gene keep it together, ignoring all the food distractions, in time to redeem a faux for his pa? Written by LA-Lawyer

It is Christmas Eve. Linda sings. The Belcher kids send out their annual prayers to Santa. Teddy is attending Midnight Basketball or Midnight Mass. And Linda sings. She primes the family for Big Bob's holiday party: Christmas Magic! Bob only agrees to attend if he can observe the 15:00 Rule. Gene likens it to speed dating with your dad. At Big Bob's Diner, Pete is Santa Claus and his bar next door is stronger and gayer than ever. The kids need a present for Bob. Linda finagles Bob into the kitchen with Big Bob. The kids love their Pop Pop and his well-oiled wallet, but they really need his basement. As tempers flare, recipes fly and boots glide, the kids accidentally give their father the best gift ever. Written by LA-Lawyer

The kids tease Linda about her stray grays so Gretchen helps Linda have more fun. Louise is proud when Tina quits her cult. But Ginny, Thundergirls Leader of Troop 119 drags her back to the pack. Ginny enlists Tina to sniff out a mole at Troop 119; she is convinced this mole is leaking cookie secrets to feral Troop 257, their greatest rival. Tina is the only one Ginny can trust to save Troop 119. Enter Tina Smiley Belcher, wannabe queen of mole hunting and espionage. Gene raids trash, looking for clues and Louise becomes double joined. Thundergirls lore rages deep inside of Tina but can she bait any of the perfect traps to catch the cookie mole? Does Linda Belcher automatically Get Smart when she loses the blonde? Written by LA-Lawyer

When Tina is up for a big hall monitor promotion, she is determined to do whatever it takes to nab the powerful job. So, she enlists the help of Gene and Louise. Meanwhile, back at the restaurant, Linda gets artsy and begins to decorate the walls with customer artwork...on napkins.

The kids find a new thrill: league racing at Speed Demons Outdoor Racing. The kids from Kingshead Island dominate the sport where a custom go-kart costs a minimum of $1,000. Bob finds beer that perfectly pairs with his burgers: Teddy's Brewski. It is a home-brew and highly illegal. The kids talk wily Calvin Fischoeder out of an old bumper car for $3.00 and ask Critter and Mud Flap to help Belcher Racing with donated parts and mechanical genius. Linda is Al Capone with breasts...until Hugo and Ron visit the restaurant and threaten the Triple Smackdown. The kids choose the driver of #3 by tried and true method: Gene's hairy mole. Tina is not a happy water girl but Gene learns to be a Junior Gus in Training. Louise plots to win B League to grab a shot to race in the A League. Sasha of the Kingshead Island Speeders (KIS) asks Tina to drive a cool racer already qualified in A League, KIS #81. Is Tina really a Belcher-dict Arnold for driving KIS #81? If Louise wins a spot to compete ... Written by LA-Lawyer

Bob loses his zest--literally, when Louise damages his favorite kitchen tool, and figuratively, when his application to The Community Garden is not accepted. Bob craves fresh vegetables, dirt and air. TCG admission is controlled by Cynthia, whose son, Logan, needs a menial internship to bolster his resume. Indignant, Linda and Louise watch the restaurant become their new crappy place, but Bob insists it is all for the greater good. There are themes of good and evil, like a Clint Eastwood movie ... but with pruning shears instead of guns. Written by LA-Lawyer

What a tangled-ass web we weave, when first we practice to deceive. (Marmion a la Zeke) Once again, Valentine's Day is coming; this year, Linda has a plan. Tina needs a tutor to avoid Remedial Math and asks Darryl for help. He pines for Rosa Batista, but believes the 8th grader is out of his league. Darryl gets a light bulb: the Double Nerd Angle: a correlation exists between Wagstaff's 7th-8th Grade Valentine's Day Cupid's Couple Dance and cross-grade dating. Darryl does the math: a negative times a negative equals a positive ...and a $50 Fro-Yo Momma gift certificate to pay bribes. Tina cannot tell a lie, but she has thought about boys and relationships a lot, lot, lot. When Cupid's Couple finally try their Wings, will it be Silly Little Love Songs... or Man on the Run? Written by LA-Lawyer

Tina and Louise volunteer to run Jimmy Junior's class president campaign in order to keep Millie (guest voice Molly Shannon) from winning, and ruining the school. Meanwhile, Bob becomes obsessed with a knife after talking himself into buying it for $300.

Linda grounds the kids. To see daylight, they must write essays which cheer up Aunt Gayle and also incorporate Scott Bacula. Her new guy, Stacy, canceled their date to see Yarn, Cirque de Soleil with cats. Gene goes country musical with The Ballad of Gayle and Jo Gene. Tina grabs pages from Austen, Bellisario and Lawrence with a tale of dancing dames and leaping lords; Lady Chatterteeth's Lover, features chamber music by 'Boys of the Present Time.' Louise pens a slick story of cats, duels and litterboxes in days of yore, Gayle of Thrones. Is anybody surprised when Bob Belcher is the only one who is really punished? Written by LA-Lawyer

Bob becomes obsessed with his new automatic helicopter. When it falls apart for no reason, he enters into a battle with the manufacturer in order to receive a refund. Gene assists Bob in his quest, but things quickly get out of hand and end in a crazy helicopter battle. Meanwhile, Louise and Linda help Tina prepare for her oral book report. Written by Anon

It's Date Night and Bob half-asses it again at Stoolz. Tina is babysitting and Louise has temporary custody of Princess Little Piddles, Miss Labonza's 4th grade class pet chinchilla, over the objections of her classmate, Wayne. When the little guy beats feet, Jonas the Delivery Boy scoops and Tammy triangulates. Gene delivers pizza and the two Ts gain entre to their first real teen party. Tracking leads to the skating rink...and the dreaded whip. Who should exercise full domiciliary custody of PLP? Louise tries a courtroom standard, BIOC: Best Interest of Chinchilla. Written by LA-Lawyer

Don't YOU love cotton can-DY...? The Belcher children, Tammy, Jimmy Jr., Zeke and Jocelyn get Saturday detention for a glitter bracelet/school fire alarm fracas. Unfortunately, detention is the same day as the Cotton Candy Festival at Wonder Wharf. Bob tries to avoid a magazine slash turtle camp scam, but Linda feels sorry for salesgirl, Sally. Mr. Frond wants to go from sweater mess to sweater best, challenging the kids to rehabilitate: Scared Fabulous style. The winners get to leave detention early. Bob finds a silver lining when he helps Sally and her mentor, Trish, turn the screws to Jimmy Pesto. Written by LA-Lawyer

The Belcher gals play the styro-straws and Gene, rocks out on his Casio...they are the Razz. Regular-Sized Rudy, on skins, and Peter, on wind, are the Matazz. Gene even electrifies Peter. Linda acquires a forest, but no forest ranger. The new band, Itty Bitty Ditty Committee is rad, but they need a lead singer; Gene admits he is no singer. Tina suggests Darryl, a funky Bill Gates. When the group gets their break, Lenny DiStefano's birthday party, Darryl agrees to join. Louise, Esq. (future associate at Cupid's Stupid, APLC) negotiates the 360* deal. Gene has few notes and no songs... soon the group has a snake in the grass man-eater, but no Gene. The whole band thing was his idea. Louise and Tina refuse to allow the dumpee to dump back: his Casio and music are part of who he is. Bob's Burgers is the pits! Louise may not wear a bra, but the ingenious wunderkind will find something to burn! Written by LA-Lawyer

For once, Bob is not half-assing a treat for Linda. For her birthday, he prepares a homemade Spa Day, but runs behind schedule. Linda gets bored waiting for her surprise and goes grocery shopping. Linda meets cretins, gets gum in her hair, locks her keys, purse and mobile in her car and splits her pants. As Bob, Teddy and the kids tear around town, looking for the lost birthday girl, Linda's luck goes from bad to none. When even horses whisper about her, Linda starts to give up. Bob is on an odyssey, learning new things about his wife. Her native can-do spirit soon returns: she will fight back, Linda will get home! Some may prefer lemons; but, when life gives Linda Belcher tomatoes, Linda Belcher mixes a drink. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails... Written by LA-Lawyer

Teddy is just a guy who can't say no. He is in a terrible fix: he has two jobs on the day a storm is approaching nearby Craggy Neck Beach, but Teddy accepts a third job, just when he ought to say nix. Linda and the kids offer to shelter lawn furniture at his client's beach house. Bob is the one who does the work as Louise and Linda oops the way into locked doors, drawers and cabinets. Is a person paranoid just because everyone is out to get him? Bob hurts his back when Linda requests a re-enactment. Teddy announces roads are closing. What is with the clocks? Everyone is startled when the homeowner, Helen, appears in her own home. She graciously invites everyone to stay the night and even ministers to poor Bob. There is a game room and pool table: the kids should be set. But something nags at Linda... and Louise. Give Bob opiates and he will rat out his own kids... and he might not remember it the next day. Teddy has a crush on Helen, but does she reciprocate? Hugs, drugs and slugs ... Written by LA-Lawyer

Shopping is never dull for Bob with Louise in tow. Bob buys jicama and Louise swears she sees an old film idol, Kojima, from their favorite traveling samurai barber - monster slayer series, Hawk and Chick. Bob is not sure the man is actually Kojima but Louise reasons Kojima looks 100 and Bob is 80, so she has to be right. The duo goes to the Decency Inn and hears a sad story about Kojima and his daughter, Yuki, who played Chick in the series. Yuki works at Deduction Junction...what's her function? (Hooking up codes, and taxes and refunds.) Yuki is a CPA. The Belchers enlist help from Dominic, from the local theatre, and 40 or more diehard Hawk and Chick fans. It is a very poignant episode for two sets of fathers and their daughters. Foreign films can be so tricky: we think they're dubbing Japanese, we think they're dubbing Japanese, we really think so...or is Louise experiencing The Vapors? Written by LA-Lawyer

Fischoeder has never been closer to true supervillain status. Calvin is raising all rents for all tenants. He is a landlord and he wears a white suit and an eye patch and he raises rent and rides around and throws firecrackers at his tenants. Fischoeder is the bad guy. So, why are 99 knights of the air, high tech jet fighters, superheroes and Captain Kirk aiming red luftballons at Bob? Only Nena and Louise would understand. But don't hit white pants--you'll see the outline of a wiener. Oh, what the hell, fire away! Written by LA-Lawyer

Bob's Burgers centers on the Belcher family (Bob, Linda, Tina, Gene, and Louise) who own a hamburger restaurant. Bob's burgers are really delicious and appear to be better than his rivals' but his kids aren't really helpful at selling them, as more customers head over to Jimmy Pesto's restaurant. Written by Campbell Talaepa