When Horny Dave dies, Mort hosts his big funeral jam. Dave's motorcycle gang, The One Eyed Snakes, wander next door to Bob's Burgers and Critter, Mudflaps and the whole gang befriend the Belchers. Louise goes nuclear when a teenaged bully named Logan steals her bunny ears. She calls on reinforcements who have the drive to go all Marc Antony on Logan...and his friends and countrymen. Written by LA-Lawyer

When their Halloween pickings are slim, little Louise Scissor Hands wants the Belcher kids to go trick or treating at Kingshead Island, land of candy plenty, where all the wealthy people live. Bob and Linda are forced to go to Teddy's costume party. When the kids' new friends on the island, Milo and Ned, are terrorized during Hell Hunt, Tina votes to do the responsible thing. Written by LA-Lawyer

Bob fears he is overworking the kids and giving them a miserable childhood like his father did to him, so he fires them. Bob tries to hire replacements but can't afford to pay anyone. As fate would have it, Mickey, the bank robber, has gotten out of prison and tells the Belchers he will work for free if they let him live in the basement. Bob and Linda agree to this arrangement without realizing Mickey's true intentions. Meanwhile, the kids are miserable without their jobs so they find work at a blueberry farm on the edge of town. What the kids do not realize is that the blueberries are just a cover for the farm's actual crop. When the children's parents find out about their job it doesn't take them long to figure out that the kids are unknowingly holding, transporting and selling. It's up to Bob and Linda, with Mickey's help, to save the kids. Written by Puredoller

Captain Duval loves Bob's cooking. Duval manuevers the Belchers on an ancient Chinese vacation on The Windbreaker with ship's guests, crew and capybara, Kiki. Linda gambles, tans and drinks on the VIP Card. Tina tries to get her massage on; a busty blonde makes Gene's pants feel funny. As always, Louise is on Bob's side and provides distraction. Oyster hurling is just another part of the fun-packed cruise aboard The Windbreaker. Written by LA-Lawyer

Sexy old sharpshooter, Shelby Schnabel, is a magnate magnet and home wrecker; she is the love of Calvin Fischoeder's life. In exchange for five (5) months rent, Linda and kids agree to pose as the Fischoeder family so Shelby can wreck it... and Calvin can get some wabba wabba. Fisch Dad gives arcade tickets in the category of best performance by child actor as Bob is relegated to the kitchen to cook dinner. Louise is figuratively racking up tickets. Bob drinks absinthe with Lance and pines away for his family and favorite holiday... until the lead starts leaping! Written by LA-Lawyer

Mr. Fischoeder polls a convenient cross-section of child focus testers, Louise, Gene and Tina, for ideas on the newest big thing: a scary seat of the pants attraction at Wonder Wharf. Bob, a fan of local history, remembers the shark film, The Deepening 3-D was filmed in their town in the 1980s. Louise finds the same mechanical shark used in the film in an online sale. Is Teddy, who was an extra in the film, the only one with non-diegetic trepidation about this endeavor? Written by LA-Lawyer

Poor Louise: Tina says it was the worst week of her life, but Tina got to crash the family car AND burn down the insurance adjuster's house...Louise got Nothing! The Belchers' neighbor, Mort, gives Gene and Louise rides in the hearse while their family car is in the shop and becomes increasingly annoyed at the price of gas. Written by LA-Lawyer

Linda is on a diet and is driving everyone crazy. There is a rumor that a girl at their school like-likes Gene. Tina and Louise panic when they realize it must be ultra-obnoxious, annoying Courtney, but Gene is peer-pressed to be her boyfriend. He meets Courtney's dad, a commercial jingle writer with cool tech; and Gene has found a man-crush. When Gene shuts his eyes and covers his ears, Gene feels like he maybe could spend the rest of his life with Courtney... until Gene opens his mouth. Courtney and Gene both suffer heartbreak, but for completely different reasons. Written by LA-Lawyer

Uncle Ernie died and bequeathed Bob a storage unit. Before the mall, Uncle Ernie owned Lombard's Department Store. In the storage unit, the Belchers find Chet, a former fixture at Lombard's. In the spirit of Christmas, Bob invites Chet to stay in their basement. Chet does what he knows best to repay their hospitality. Nobody sells an antique watch or cuts their beautiful hair, but the three Belcher Magi embody the spirit of O. Henry; their sacrifice makes a very Merry Christmas for all. Written by LA-Lawyer

Linda thinks Louise hates her so she drags her to an 8-hour Phenomimom seminar at Modo Time. Louise's nemesis, Logan, shows up at Modo Time with his mother, Cynthia; Louise and Logan are sentenced to the Uter-Room. Tina waits on two popular girls from school and hears them make fun of another girl with hairy legs. With Linda at the seminar and Tina unable to shave her own legs, Tina asks Bob to help her; she, Bob and Gene all end up getting waxed. The Modo Time kids revolt and head for laser tag; Linda is angry and decides to shoot it out with Louise. Tina has a Terminator moment: she regrets peer pressure caused her hair loss. But, clearly, neither Linda nor Louise will be saying farewell to arms anytime soon. Written by LA-Lawyer

There is a new clothing optional beach in town. Hugo gets bitten by the freedom bug so Bob's Burgers has a new health inspector, Tommy, a part-time musician. Tommy asks if he can play his music at Bob's Burgers and Bob agrees. Tommy's vile tunes drive away revenue, but Tommy cannot take NO for an answer. The kids team up with Darryl, (Bob's nerd and their schoolmate) who owns a mini-Hubble telescope. As the kids rake in the cash along the bluffs overlooking the beach, Bob may be down to serving his last meat patty. There are several crazy plot twists and then the shout: Get nude for food! Written by LA-Lawyer

Wagstaff School starts its own TV news station and Tina wants to be the anchor. Tammy edges her out of the competition, until Tina smells a scoop! With Louise's help, Tina uncovers the trail to the tail... tale. Meanwhile, Gene has a mid-child crisis. Written by LA-Lawyer

When Bob half-asses Linda's Valentine's Day gift again, the kids urge him on to the mall. Tina REALLY does not want to go to school today because of last year's Jimmy Jr. card incident and Louise is always up for a scheme to ditch. As Bob and kids roam the streets, Linda hosts a special Speed Dating for Valentine's Day. Teddy, Mort, Gretchen, Gina, Mike, the mailman, participate and even the surly cop, Sgt. Bosco joins the fun. All goes well until Linda jumps the gun. Written by LA-Lawyer

When check bouncing becomes a regular art form for the Belchers, Fresh Feed manager, Greg, hires Linda part-time at the grocery store. The kids tour the store; Gene terrorizes food sample guy and Louise liberates shrimp. Tina visits the walk-in dairy fridge behind the milk aisle and meets a 14-year old boy with a turtle bite on his finger. Linda does so well on her performance review, Greg offers her a full-time shift manager's job. Bob needs to learn to appreciate his former unsung singing heroine. Tina meets her milk man, Josh. Will Linda acquire the hard-nosed management skills to get ahead with her new job? Written by LA-Lawyer

Bob joins the club and learns the Secret of the Suit... but he and Linda unsuccessfully try to pass a bar. Gene has issues with fatherhood; he knows he has a lot to give but those flour babies are slippery little suckers. Distraught, Gene meets the perfect receptacle for paternal feelings. But, arch-criminal, Max Flush, terrorizes Gene. It is up to wily Louise to spearhead a ruse, a heist, a chase and a bathroom break. Gene and the kids learn a very important lesson: Love is never having to say you want to vomit. Written by LA-Lawyer

Louise, Ollie, Andy and class have a temp science teacher, Mr. Dinkler, a part-time Thomas Edison re-enactor and full-time ass. Dinkler tramples on Louise's volcano and sends her to the library, a place she vowed never to visit, to research a new science project. The bi-polar library man helps Louise stampede along the perfect course to humiliate Dinkler. Louise ropes Teddy into the electrocution portion of the show. Tina worries about electricity but believes Topsy would want Tina to tell Topsy's story. Gene de-farted the music and he is psyched. Tina and Gene go all Milli Vanilli while, behind the curtain, Gayle and Fischoeder do the actual tongue work. Kuchi Kope saves the day, once again... but which Belcher takes home the gold? Written by LA-Lawyer

It is not easy to throw away 3,000 fantasy hours logged on Jimmy, Jr. but Tina has to make a decision. Will she wait for Jimmy Jr.'s maybe to her invitation to Wagstaff School's dance become a firm yes or is Tina going to grab the ballet boy by the horns and accept Josh's invitation to his dance at School of the Performing Arts? Linda ropes Bob into chaperoning the Wagstaff school dance to rewrite some bad old memories. Someone is as jealous as a bald guy in a mop factory ...so Louise can finally put a price on love: $20. Will it be T for two or will geometry get thrown into the mix? Written by LA-Lawyer

Things are really looking up for growing old! Linda's parents bought a condo in Florida to spend their golden years and Linda packs Bob and the kids into the car for a trip down South to surprise them. With the pool closed, the kids amuse themselves with crazy Helen Kellerman. She swears her dog, Bitsy, was eaten by a python and offers $100 for video proof. At the wine tasting, Bob notices the seniors are sampling more than their own Merlot. Linda is outraged when the Condo Board threatens to evict her parents and keep their deposit. She invites them to move in with her, Bob and the kids. In the face of overcrowding and ruin, Bob turns to the late great Duke Ellington--- and suddenly, it does mean a thing. Written by LA-Lawyer

The Belchers' movie night at Dog Prom 3-D takes a turn for the hydrant when their car breaks down in the middle of a street near Channel 13. They decide to watch the taping of a game show, Family Fracas, hosted by Chuck Charles of the Chuck and Pam Show debacle. Chuck's ex is now Judge Pam, oriface of the court, with her very own show, Pam's Court. Chuck blames the Belchers for the decline of his marriage and his career; Harry, the producer in control of Family Fracas is demented; Harry thinks no idea is a bad idea. At the last minute, Harry tells Chuck the Morgan family has to be replaced. Where can they find a family of five? Let the games begin. Written by LA-Lawyer

It is a slow day at the ER. Linda and Bob spend 76 hours one afternoon waiting for Dr. Doogie Eigerman to stitch up Bob's sliced finger crotch. Back home, Tina is the Belcher in charge of babysitting. But, money conscious Louise Bugsy Belcher is in charge of the Meatgrinder. And, just like in movies about baseball: No tears at the Meatgrinder! Gene bombs out with his Cutie Patooties, but agrees to do lunch. When it all comes down to Rock, Paper, Scissors, Bob is a real cut up... he leaves everyone in stitches. Written by LA-Lawyer

Why would you waste a scream on a stupid boy band? Screams are for roller coasters, ax murderers or Dad's morning breath...such is Louise's commentary on the morning of the Boyz 4 Now concert. Gene is busy preparing to Dump Up The Volume at table-scaping regionals and his parents are always ready to help. Aunt Gayle pulls a no-show and Tina pulls a long, sad face; Louise vows to get her big sister to the concert. As the boys start to sing and the girls start to scream, Louise asks herself that all-important question: Oh my God, who the frig am I?! Tina is now a heroine to her temporarily bemused little sister, but the important lesson is put on your bra one boob at a time. First love is never so great as when it slaps you right in the face. Written by LA-Lawyer

It is Bob's first time as parent volunteer for the Wagstaff Field Trip to the Museum of Natural History. With a UFMWD (United Federation Museum Workers and Docents) strike, the museum has only 1/8 of its staff and the Amazon Room is closed. Louise's trip buddy is Regular Sized Rudy; as long as he uses his inhaler every 2 hours, he can live. Linda misses her family and gets caught up in chanting on the UFMWD picket line. Tina and her trip buddy share an amazing discovery and if Mr. Frond's mother does not answer the phone, Museum Lady may see some action. Is almost dying the best part of living? Bob gets an unexpected present. Written by LA-Lawyer

Bob bought an espresso machine and Tina acquires a taste and a bit of attitude. Gene is on a boys' baseball team but he has no skill and less natural athletic ability. Linda finds The Deuce of Diamonds online; Tina thinks he looks like Dr. Yap's Prince of Persuasia. For a mere $495, Gene can learn to pitch, hit and field with the Major Leaguers, without using a ball. Bob is NOT spending that kind of money on Gene and baseball...it is better that he quit, with quiet dignity. But, quiet dignity has never met the Belcher family! Louise helps her mother pull off a heist, Tina has the ETs (espresso tremors) and Gene learns confidence the natural way: from a con man. In the land of the free and the home of the brave, Little League parents will always be Little League parents. Written by LA-Lawyer