Fish is nowhere to be found on his last day before he retires. A neighborhood vigilante group is out of control.

Fish finally reports for work but refuses to acknowledge that he is obligated to retire.

Recording devices discovered in the precinct may have come from Internal Affairs or the White House.

An environmentalist who has been attacking a chemical plant faces the corporation's high-priced lawyer.

Retired Detective Fish returns to assist Barney in locating a kidnapped corpse.

Yemana uses a TV Guide to second-guess the perpetrator who's mimicking crime shows. An alcoholic forgets his weapon in the commission of a hold-up.

A blizzard traps the precinct with a corpse. A self-proclaimed prophet predicts a new ice age.

Wojo crashes a borrowed cab chasing a robbery suspect. Lieutenant Scanlon uses a drug pusher to try to flush out corruption in the precinct.

The detectives clean up the mess after three mental patients have Thanksgiving dinner at an automat.

When a tunnel collapses, Wojo is buried alive along with a burglar digging toward a diamond exchange. Though he is currently homeless, Harris searches Manhattan for an apartment to fit his intended lifestyle.

A college student's physics project is really a functional atomic bomb.

A man wants a sperm bank charged with murder after the bank's lab accidentally destroys the man's last available sample.

The police do not believe a man who claims he's being visited by a poltergeist. Then they put the man in jail, and strange events begin occurring about the squad room.

Yemana is hospitalized with appendicitis. Guests to the jail include a sugar addict and an aging bounty hunter.

A woman wants her husband arrested on a rape charge. A master of disguise perpetuates a crime spree. To Yemana's delight, the city legalizes off-track betting.

Barney defies authority and refuses to evict the tenants of a condemned hotel. Luger tries to decide how to spend his vacation time.

A SWAT team is now involved with the hotel situation. Dietrich learns the identity of his amnesic girlfriend.

Barney would rather not know the details of Wojo's most recent difficulty. The new female detective's husband is suspicious of her co-workers. A shoplifter escapes-in a wheelchair.

Barney's been shot! The startling news paralyzes the precinct with dread and provokes Liz to draw the line. An elderly woman strenuously objects to the nude paintings on display in an art gallery.

A prisoner holds the squad at gunpoint. A ventriloquist insists he's not responsible for his dummy's insensitive remarks. Harris finally finds an apartment in the Village.

A porno shop reporting vandalism turns out to be a mom-and-pop operation being hassled by the parents' children. Harris arrests a numerologist who will only give his name as 1223. The squad members await their evaluations.

A man liquidates all of his assets into gold, much to his wife's dismay. Wojo claims he saw a UFO over Staten Island.

Barney Miller is the kind of cop we'd all like to run into. He is always sensible. He maintains order over a squad room of detectives who gamble for a hobby, get hit on by anything in skirts, go to renaissance philosophy conventions for fun, and would really prefer to be writing. Nearly all of the action takes place in the squad room where the citizens and criminals are brought in to complicate the mix. Written by John Vogel [email protected]