To cap off Wednesday's upcoming birthday, Gomez Tennessee Addams has written a play - Claude and Mable (which comes out quite exactly like Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet). To make sure his play is a big success, Gomez hires acclaimed Broadway director Eric Von Bissell to direct it. Von Bissel's career has been on the skids of late, so Gomez' money is quite appealing even though the rest of the project isn't; still, Von Bissell's pride and artistic reputation are threatened when he learns that Cousin Itt, with his gibber talk, will play the lead. Morticia takes Itt aside to work on lowering and slowing his voice for the average ear, but when she succeeds she finds Itt's personality has changed along with his voice. Now he's a theatrical snob of the worst sort - too good for the lead in Wednesday's birthday play. Written by statmanjeff

It's midnight on the 13th wedding anniversary of Gomez and Morticia. The whole family is up in celebration, and the happy couple are obliged to tell the story of how they first met, how Grandmama and Granny Frump converged to pair up Gomez with - not Morticia but Morticia's older sister Ophelia, with whom sickly Gomez took up an almost immediate and implacable disinterest. For Morticia, on the other hand... Written by statmanjeff

A nice, violent thunderstorm puts the children in the mood to hear the rest of the story on how their parents met and married: The mothers finish quibbling over the dowry but Gomez goes into hiding, afraid to openly tell Ophelia he doesn't care for her (and likely get judo-tossed around the room for it). Morticia's Uncle Fester arrives to help out. He'll either help the cowardly Gomez pluck up enough courage to confront Ophelia or lead the sniveling, spineless bridegroom to the alter by shotgun. Written by statmanjeff

Princess Millicent (Gomez's snooty Aunt Millie) arrives for an extended visit along with her hand maiden, Lady Fingers - the perfect match for Thing. Everyone bends over backwards to accommodate her high and mightiness, but she's a royal pain in the backside. Finally, after finding a sign tacked to her bedroom door reading Princess, go home, she leaves. Everyone's glad except for Thing, who pines from the absence of Lady Fingers. For his sake alone, the family invites the princess back, but a nasty surprise awaits - Lady Fingers is no loner in Millicent's employ. Now what will the family do? Written by statmanjeff

The house tax arrives and the Addamses are appalled that the figure attached to their fine, elegant mansion should be so low; however, attempts to rectify the matter only lowers the amount each time. It's obvious to them that their city government is corrupt. Morticia has an idea: Gomez for mayor. Surprisingly, Gomez's outrageous campaign catches on, appearing to the public as brilliant satire. It looks like he'll be a shoe-in as the next mayor, but seeing how the burdens of office are changing him - and he's not even elected yet - Morticia decides to force him out of office for his own good. Written by statmanjeff

Cousin Itt returns from the South Seas to a welcome home party, but it soon looks as if he's losing his hair (and in bunches, too). Before there's nothing left of him, Uncle Fester orders a new chemistry set to brew up a batch of hair tonic. It's a success, and soon there's hair growing everywhere - on portraits, doorknobs, Thing's box, but most importantly on Cousin Itt (sporting a new bristle to top his floor-length tresses). He's saved, while Fester, himself, becomes a new man, ready to court the ladies with a full new head of blonde wavy locks. Unfortunately it's only temporary, but fortunately Cousin Itt's problem isn't Cousin Itt's problem after all. Written by statmanjeff

It's Halloween and, despite salamander sandwiches and a fresh porcupine taffy, Wednesday's upset. A neighbor told her there aren't any real witches or goblins. Since Morticia and Gomez can't produce immediate proof to the contrary, they hold a séance to contact their late Aunt Singe, whom they believe was a genuine witch. (She was burned for it, at any rate.) They get a quick response via a well-meant deception between Mama and Lurch, but now the family expects a visit from their late, great auntie, a visit that's surely not to happen. Fortunately, a scavenger hunter dressed as a witch comes to the house, and Wednesday's confidence is restored. Now if the poor, mistaken woman can only get back out again. Written by statmanjeff

Appalled by the children's school reading assignments, Morticia throws herself into the task of writing proper stories for children, Addams-style of course, but Gomez fears success will take her away. Though it pains him to tamper with obvious masterpieces such as The Good Giant Slays Sir Lancelot, he enlists Uncle Fester's aid in sabotaging her stories, but to his horror, the tampered tales get published. How can he explain himself to Morticia? Written by statmanjeff

When Morticia declares she's bored and needs an outlet for her creativity, Gomez suggests several possibilities, including sculpting. This strikes a chord in her and immediately she throws herself into it. The house is soon filled with huge boulders Gomez is purchasing from a quarry. In one scene, he and Fester struggle to move one up the front steps, but Lurch deftly picks it up as if it weighed only a few ounces. Morticia is shown furiously banging away with a hammer and chisel in a montage, finally declaring, supposedly after months of work, that it's finished. Unfortunately, it pretty much still looks like a big shapeless rock. Gomez has an art dealer appraise the masterpiece, but the man thinks it's so bad he actually hits it with his cane before storming out. Gomez realizes he's right, but he'd do anything to keep Morticia happy, so he devises a plan to pay another, more unscrupulous dealer, The World's Crummiest, one Sam Piccasso (Vito Scotti) to pretend to like it and ... Written by westernone

Pugsley begins to act strangely and Gomez and Mortica are concerned till he declares he has fallen in love. Discovering one of Gomez's love letters to Morticia, Pugsley rewrites the document and sends it to his true love, his teacher. A misunderstanding by the teacher leads her to think Gomez wrote the letter and she acts on the impulse. Morticia needs to rely on all her feminine charms to break up the developing relationship. Written by chapman_glen@yahoo

Prominent socialite Abigail Addams is in a feud with the Gomez Addams branch of the family, and is threatening to sue Gomez for his millions. Meanwhile, little Wednesday has met a boy her age, Robespierre Courtney, and wants him to be her boyfriend. The boy's mother, Mrs. Courtney, a social climber who knows nothing of the Abigail-Gomez feud, thinks that Wednesday is Abigail's granddaughter, and is eager to have tea with the Addams family, expecting to meet Abigail. When the Addams family invites Robespierre and parents to tea so that Wednesday can play with Robespierre, she eagerly accepts. Each member of the Addams family, in the morning before the scheduled tea with the Courtneys, takes turns coaching Wednesday in how to catch Robespierre's heart. Robespierre and his parents arrive, and after Wednesday's startling greeting the two children go off to play while the adult Addamses and Courtneys socialize, with the usual disastrous (for the Courtneys) results. Written by sissoed

Gomez is having some sleepwalking issues brought on by Grandma's famous yak stew. The house descends into chaos when a connection is made between a recent spat of cat burglaries and Gomez's nighttime adventures. Morticia goes on the search for a cure before Gomez gets caught and branded a criminal. Written by [email protected]

The Addams family is puzzled when a photographer from Strife magazine calls but leaves no message. They suspect he wants to photograph Gomez for a Man Of The Year piece, but Gomez is concerned that only one man in the world has ever captured his true self in a photograph. Gomez devotes all his resources to finding this man and re-capturing that perfect image. Written by [email protected]

Don Javier Francisco de La Mancha Molinas arrives from Spain with daughter Consuelo and a chaperon in tow to joyfully honor a decades-old contract signed by the families' two grandfathers for marrying Gomez to Consuelo. A little deafness and a slight language barrier doesn't help straighten out the purpose of Don Javier's visit, nor assert a quick clarification that Morticia is not Gomez's sister, which brings Gomez's marital fidelity into question. Written by statmanjeff

Mr. Thompson next door tells Wednesday and Pugsley there's no Santa Claus and the family volunteers Uncle Fester to play Santa for their benefit. But when he gets stuck in the chimney and is a no show, the whole family sets to work to prove to the kids that there is a Santa Claus. Written by Novastar_6

Uncle Fester decides to propose to a bearded lady named Diana, so Morticia dresses up as the unwary woman's bearded mother to force him into facing how financially ill-prepared he is for responsibilities of marriage. The trick works, and Fester becomes determined to succeed. Flushed with confidence after graduating from a correspondence business school, Fester blusters his way into a company headed by Thaddeus Logan. Morticia and Gomez think all Fester's recent business talk in entirely in his head. They call for a psychiatrist who'll be arriving under an assumed identity. When Mr. Logan drops by beforehand, they mistake him for the psychiatrist, leaving poor Mr. Logan to believe Fester is having him on. Written by statmanjeff

Two weeks of unfavorable weather (blue skies and sunshine) keep the Addams stuck indoors where Morticia and Gomez believe Fester and Grandmama spoil the children too much. With Hurricane Zsa-Zsa threatening the Gulf coast, Gomez and Morticia decide to enjoy it at their favorite watch spot, the dilapidated Last Chance Motel. They hire Thudd, a governess, to watch the children, which infuriates Fester and Mama over not being entrusted. They thereby divide the house in half with a white line while preparing to move out. When Thudd arrives, she seems tailor-made to the Addams' sensibilities, but a mix-up in luggage later reveals she's not at all right for the job, forcing Gomez and Morticia to abandon Zsa-Zsa and race home for their children' sake, hoping it's not too late. Written by statmanjeff

For his impending visit from pen pal Yvette of the Folies Bregeré, Uncle Fester is secretly trying to whip himself into shape, even recruiting guidance from fitness guru Jack LaLanne himself. With all the sudden dieting and exercise going on, Morticia and Gomez know something's up but think Fester's trying to join the space program. Written by statmanjeff

Discovering a treasure map in the sea chest of Great Grandfather Peg-Leg Addams the pirate, Gomez and Morticia decide to hire a boat to go look for it.

Ophelia brings a new beau to show off, but the Addams believe him to be a fraud.

Pugsley utters an ugly 4-letter word when he tells his parents he wants to work (threatening to end a 300-year-old Addams tradition). Wouldn't he rather accept a generous allowance? No. Work is what's on his mind; however, his method of job-hunting leaves a lot to be desired as he invades, one by one, the inner sanctums of several occupations that strike his interest, with each in turn bringing him abruptly home, escorted by an angry professional. He, along with Wednesday, finally secures simple employment from a neighbor, but with very disastrous results. Written by statmanjeff

Morticia and Gomez are beside themselves to understand how the annual charity bizarre could have overlooked them this year. It's for the good cause of building a retirement home, but Gomez has plans of his own for a retirement home, complete with a polo field, skateboarding ramps and tennis courts, to put theirs out of business. Simultaneously, it's Granny Frump's birthday (Morticia's mother). Morticia and Gomez have her visit so they can surprise her with a trip to a beauty spa for her birthday. Granny Frump knows something's up and, by the plans laid out on Gomez's desk, figures they're planning to put her away. She modifies her behavior to convince them she's not ready to go, which only convinces them she needs to go to a funny farm instead. Written by statmanjeff

As part of the National Beautification Program, Morticia decides to avail herself as a home decorator. She needs a showcase to model her abilities. Fortunately, the Digbys, who've lived next door for only three weeks (and can't wait to move away from the Addames), are looking for a home decorator. What could be more perfect? Mrs. Digby is understandably reluctant to turn her house over to Morticia, but when Uncle Fester secretly unloads attic junk on them (namely a Sheraton sideboard) instead of the beloved stuffed vulture he was supposed to deliver, Mrs. Digby finally and implicitly trusts Morticia, much to her eventual regret. Written by statmanjeff

Ophelia's upset that her latest beau, Montrose, has gone off to join the Peace Corps. His strong resemblance to Uncle Fester gives Fester the idea to join the Peace Corps as well. Ophelia's all excited that Fester, once in, can look for her Montrose, but can Fester pass the entrance exam? Written by statmanjeff

After the children's tongue-lashing at school for setting off dynamite caps at recess, Morticia and Gomez enroll them at Mockridge Private School headed by their old friend Sam Hilliard. Headmaster Hilliard's none too happy about having Addamses in his life again. Gomez takes this to mean he's under too much pressure from his board of regents, so he surprises Sam by buying Mockridge Hall, changing its name to Addams Hall and having it run as it should be run with courses in head-shrinking, taxidermy, do-it-yourself dentistry and demolition by dynamite. Written by statmanjeff

Kitty-Cat, normally a good eater, has no appetite, leaving the family to speculate over what could be wrong. Finally they call in Dr. Gunderson, a veterinarian who is woefully uninformed that Kitty-Cat is a full-grown lion. Morticia believes the doctor's skittishness around Kitty is entirely due to a lack of self-confidence. She therefore makes it her mission to have others in the family feign ailments so the doctor can have a series of examinations followed by ego-boosting miraculous recoveries, but the poor guy just wants out. Written by statmanjeff

Morticia believes they're overworking Lurch, so Gomez builds a robot named Smiley to help him out. Lurch is initially disturbed by this new situation but grows to accept it before taking complete advantage of it, relegating all his duties to Smiley. Though the family isn't pleased with Smiley's capabilities, they praise them for Lurch's sake, but perhaps overmuch. It effectively has Lurch looking at Smiley not as helping him out but as helping him right out of his job. Written by statmanjeff

Uncle Fester's mishap with a new flame-thrower sets the stuffed bear afire in the Addams' living room. Morticia calls the Double-Indemnity Insurance Company to have it replaced, but head of the company A.J. Henson is reluctant to comply. Eventually it leads to company agent Mr. Digby getting the boot for failing to cancel ALL the Addams' policies and not backing Mr. Henson in all things. Now the Addams feel compelled to help Mr. Digby establish his own insurance company. Written by statmanjeff

Morticia's school chum Trivia visits. Lurch is obviously smitten by her, but Trivia's interest is entirely in show business. Morticia decides to change Trivia's mind by making Lurch more exciting than show biz. She enlists others in the family to help, including Grandmama, whose love potion makes the biggest and wildest impact of all. Written by statmanjeff

The Addams Family is not your typical family: it takes delight in most of the things of which normal people would be terrified. Gomez Adams is an extremely wealthy man and is able to indulge his wife Morticia's every desire, whether it's cultivation of poisonous plants or a candlelit dinner in a graveyard. People visiting the Addams Family just don't seem to appreciate the 7-foot-tall butler named Lurch or the helping hand (which is just a disembodied hand named Thing). Written by Murray Chapman [email protected]